You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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