You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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