If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
