Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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