Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
