my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
