I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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