Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
