I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
