Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
