Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
