Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i believe in u and ur pee
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
