my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
