I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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