I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
