I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize