I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
