you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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