I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
