Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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