absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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