OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
