we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
