going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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