Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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