my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
