It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
