Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
