My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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