Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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