I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
