I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
