He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
