She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
