I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
