Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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