I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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