your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
