That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
