Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
