I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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