3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
