I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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