Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
