Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
