When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Banned from zoo.
Again?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
