Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
