my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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