Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
