WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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