So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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