im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
