My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
