Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
