I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
