like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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