My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
