I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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