I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
