I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
