Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Send help, water and tortillas.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
