she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
