I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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