There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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