Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
