3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My penis needs a shock collar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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