Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
