I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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