dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
