i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
