He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
