I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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