you would pick up someone in the library
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
