Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize