Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
