every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
