Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
