i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
