I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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