How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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