i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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