so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
