I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
