return my video game
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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