He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
