OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
