I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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