New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did i walk over a car last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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