I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
