Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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